Sunday, 10 August 2008

My Operation Was a Success

I have had a very exciting weekend. It began with a 'BBQ' on Saturday night for my friend Alfdawg's 21st, which, due to the unforeseen weather problems, turned into a yummy salad selection with some very tasty desserts. There was rather a lot of wine and other alcoholic beverages consumed. The evening ended with me, Sammy McCoxinain, and Mazzi Drizzle passing out inside our rather smelly tent. Which we attempted to put up with only 4 pegs. Which apparently was not enough. I half expected to wake up in Narnia, fortunately for me, the tent did not blow away. I woke up to pouring rain and a rather bad back, but it was worth it. I managed to contain my theft addiction, and as much as I enjoyed the home made meringues, I didn't steal a single one. I just ate them all instead. But I think that's progress. I had to spoil myself, since I was celebrating my final night of humanhood.

Then in the morning, whilst still in an alcohol induced state I travelled down, with Sammy McCoxinian to Harley Street, where we met with our surgeon, Harold. I was his first ever Human/Shark conversion. He was very nervous. He had done a few mermaids before so Sammy McCoxinian's surgery was fairly straight froward. But never a shark.

Anyway, I must admit, I was nervous as I had to undergo my pledge of allegiance to the sharks. I had to skip around a picture of the Atlantic and promise to be loyal to the cause of shark hood. I underwent my final test, which involved general shark trivia before I finally had to produce my full shark-swim licence then it was full steam ahead to the operating theatre. I double checked with Harold that he was going for a great white. I was worried he might confuse me with Sharon Ozbourne who is still hoping to become a hammer head within the next few months.

Well, I am pleased to inform you all that my surgery has been a total success. I am scheduled to be placed within the Atlantic sometime during the next few days. My fin is a little on the sore side, but other than that I am one happy little shark. I will leave you with a picture of me in my special tank at Harley street.

*All names have been slightly altered in order to maintain their anonymity*


Anonymous said...

Wow, and I thought botox was clever!

I do hope you have underwater internet access to keep us all updated. If you get tired of seafood, pop up and we'll throw you a sausage.

Audrey xx

suzie said...

Daaaaaarling what a super job, email me the surgeons details would you hunni.


Emmie said...

I'd take shark reassignment surgery over RUBBISH PORT ops any day! Well done you for fighting against portness and sticking it out for a couple of new fins instead! Oooh and I bought your Birthday present today weeeeeeeeee!!! LOVE YOU xxxxxxxxxxx

Jayne said...


You look great all sharked up.

It must make eating tricky though.. not to mention the new toilet habits....