Wednesday, 21 April 2010

The time I got in the wrong car (!)

Yes folks, I have indeed fallen victim to the rare but still very traumatic 'I get confused which is my car syndrome'.

Let me explain... I had just experienced Point 3 from my petrol station madness post. So was, understandably, a little flustered. I'd parked at Tesco, gone to get a few bits and pieces in a rush, hurried back to 'my' car and decided to eat my sushi box before I drive home. I looked down and saw the gear stick, a really nice, sort of sparkly gear stick. Then I looked at my nice clean, somewhat bigger than I thought, dashboard and began to feel really quite satisfied with my car. My seat was comfy, my dashboard was large, there was a rather nice smell and I had sparkles on my gear stick!

So there I sat, munching away on my sushi and started to think about my life and how I clearly don't appreciate the things I have. Just as I was about to discard my sushi box onto my passenger floor I noticed something. The floor was clean...there was definitely something wrong. Something very very wrong. That was when it dawned on me, after 10 minutes of me re evaluating my life and feeling all warm and fuzzy inside knowing things clearly aren't as bad as I think, it turns out I'm not in my car at all.

Then I saw my knackered little Corsa parked next to this snazzy little number. I get in my car, discard MY sushi box on MY floor, and drive home safe in the knowledge that my car is in fact a shit heap, things are as they seem in my life and you can get sparkly accessories for gear sticks!

Tuesday, 6 April 2010


A rare opportunity has become available in my tank...

I am looking for a male shark who is tall with dark eyes and thick brown curly hair. You must be available on a Sunday preferably afternoons to accompany me on nice walks.

If you are rich and a good cook that would be an advantage, but I will accept applicants with a willingness to rob a bank and enroll on a cookery course.

Previous petrol station experience is essential, along with a functional sat nav which I can use.

Please be aware that I am a very busy person and this excellent opportunity is only available on a Sunday and for a trial period of time over the summer, extensions may be considered if your lucky.

All succesful aplicants will be contacted and asked to atend the interviews scheduled for the 31st April.

Due to equal opportunities I am unable to discriminate but I would strongly advise people who are either poor, bald, shorter than 5''4, female, or have a Rhino allergy not to bother. I think we can safely say your application will be lost in the Atlantic.

I look forward to hearing from you.