Tuesday, 21 June 2011

How not to behave when been chased by police...

Some of you may not know that I am in fact a criminal after an unfortunate brush with the law a while back.

I was on my way to visit my good friend Catrinder Wiffendorinian and I was running late.  Very late.  I was singing along to a CD, which, in the interest of retaining some degree of self respect shall not be named, trying my best to make up a bit of time.  So I put my foot down and off I go on the motorway.  There I am happily minding my own business enjoying my singsong when I see some blue lights behind me.  I then noticed the blue lights are in fact a police car.  I couldn’t understand why they didn’t over take me, they had their lights flashing, clearly in pursuit of someone, or something, why waste their time behind my Corsa?

Some time later I noticed the police car was really close behind me and the police man was gesturing at me pointing at the hard shoulder.  It was then, and only then, that I realised he was after me.  Little old me in my sharkmobile was been chased by the police.  But I’m late, this is going to make me more late, so I keep going a bit more thinking I’ll soon be at my destination we can sort it out there. 

Mr Police man started to look mad, really mad.  So, I pull over to be greeted by an angry police man, who informed me he was about to call the helicopters for back up!  He shouted.  I put on the best posh sensible voice I could manage, and somehow talked my way out of a prosecution for driving without due car and attention and settled with a speeding fine and 3 points.

If I had gone that little bit further I could have been a star of the next ‘police, camera action’ or ‘high speed police chase’.  

Luckily, I manged to avoid  prison sentence, which would have been pointless anyway because as you can see from the picture below, you can't keep a shark locked up in a cage or cell for long anyway...

Wednesday, 8 June 2011

The Money Tree

During a meeting at work my boss brought me a money tree and explained how they are 'virtually impossible to kill' I was thrilled at the idea of watching my little money tree grow big and strong.  It started off so well, it even produced money.  I kid you not there was 47p in my money tree's pot.  I watered it, I fed it plant food and orange squash and the odd haribo.  I stroked its leaves.  I gave it so much love.  Maybe too much because I turned up to work the other day to find my little money tree had literally rotted away.  All that is left is a few rotting leaves and a pot of soil.

I was sad.  I'd never had to grieve a plant before.  It was a tough few days.   I was counting on that tree to make me rich, now I have to buy a bloody lottery ticket. The pain was made easier by a new plant appearing on my desk with a postit note "I am easy to care for water me once a week and love me" well, within a day I'd knocked the little plant on the floor and spilt the rocks and mud in a colleagues bag!

Lesson learnt: I'm probably not quite ready for kids.

Some of you may remember my interview advice post, and I confirmed that I am employed.  Here are two pictures of a typical day in the office when the sharks about....

After getting through 24 frankfurter hotdog sausages in little over a week, I have gone cold turkey.  It's been 9 days now...it's getting tough but this addiction must be stopped.  It starts with hotdogs it ends in heroin.